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1. Past Resentment
Hanging on to past perceived injustices may be blocking your ability to find love. How do you know if this is happening to you? You can start by asking yourself, a friend or a life coach or therapist if you often talk about or seem consumed by the tale of your past heartaches or relationship traumas.
It is not easy to let this go. For many – the story of their traumatic relationship has become so anchored, they are not even aware that this story follows them everywhere, in many social situations. Think about this one – do you really want to always be associated with a negative story that no longer serves you and may be blocking your path to finding love?
Start the process of letting go of the past by being gentle and compassionate with yourself as you feel those emotions, sit with them for the time you need. Then, before letting go of this old story – grab the GIFT of that lesson. What did you learn about yourself – the good and the bad? Embrace it all if you really want to move beyond it. If you are not entirely clear on the true lesson (often we just can’t see what we can’t see), it could be a great idea to work with a life coach or therapist, or even a friend who is not too caught up in your story.
Then, if possible, take some opposite traits of your ex and add them to your desirable traits for your future love. For example, if your ex was a control freak – your new love list could include “Is respectful” ….
We should never feel guilty OR feel the need to justify what we want. But GUESS WHAT? We often DO! Women are particularly prone to this as they are the caretakers and nurturers and have the tenacity to put the needs of family and work ahead of their own and often feel guilty for wanting what they want.
What are the clues that this is happening? One clue is you have a relationship pattern of fitting or changing your needs to suit your partner instead of focusing on what you want. Whenever your needs become subordinate to another – you tend to start losing yourself and experience anxiety and feel disconnected from yourself and others…
And, another clue that guilt has its grip is when you allow your partner to walk over your boundaries. People will tend to respect us – to the extent that we respect and stand up for ourselves. When we prioritize others needs over our own, we start to become disconnected from OUR TRUE SELF – and it undermines our SELF-WORTH.
A great first step to lose the guilt is to make a list and WRITE DOWN everything you want in a relationship and STICK TO IT. Your previous experience that you do not want to repeat will be invaluable as you now look to it’s opposite in this exercise. That is the gift of our previous experiences and lessons. For example – if you want a gentleman who treats you like a queen, go for it!
3. Time to EMBRACE THE SHINY NEW YOU!
If you are still holding on to the person you were years ago, how can you ATTRACT someone better suited to who you are today?
Now that your love mindset has been reset, how about making sure who you are on the outside reflects the shiny new you! Whether you are a man or a woman – this is a fantastic time for a style REBOOT!
Attracting the one starts with YOU! Self-reflection and ongoing attention and effort invested in your appearance will truly serve to boost your self-esteem and attract more good things and people in your life. Whether or not you find a love interest right away, it really doesn’t matter. You have taken the time for self- discovery and self-love and YOU are the biggest benefactor – although your friends and family will definitely appreciate a happier you! Nothing but upside here, it’s a win/win for everyone!
With ideas and advice from a great personal stylist, a talented salesclerk, a Pinterest board or some lovin’ from your friends, you can get started right away. Use this underrated Superpower to your best advantage as you are putting yourself out there in this exciting new chapter of your life…