Real Life Shortcuts to Relationship Success!
This Q & A has been learned and earned through years of relationship training including my own adventures with online dating, and now enjoying a stable, fulfilling relationship. The tips you are about to read are proven shortcuts to an easier and and more fulfilling path to love.
1. Who talks and who listens more on your first dates?
ANSWER: Both! A great way you can start developing a connection which each other is to open up about yourself and even show a little vulnerability on your 1st dates… And be mindful of being so intent on showing up as a great empathetic listener that you forget to talk!
2. How do gender differences make for tricky communication?
ANSWER: In general – men tend to be more action-oriented and prefer direct communication. Women are often feeling oriented, indirect (drop hints that men don’t always pick up on, sometimes leading to miscommunications). Clear verbal communication tends to work well with less of dropping hints. Example: Instead of assuming your love interest will plan the next date, suggest something you would like to do.
3. For Women – How do you choose the best time to talk about something that may be a challenging topic?
ANSWER: If you are talking to your guy when he is focused on a task (cooking, watching TV), he may not even respond or just briefly. I have seen that many men prefer to focus on one thing at a time, whereas women tend to be able to multi-task easier and the problem is sometimes that they expect men to be the same. Don’t take it personally and know that we all have our strengths. Stop talking or hold on to your thoughts and bring up the subject later when there are less distractions.
4. For Men: How do you know how to best respond when she talks about a challenge she is having?
ANSWER: When your lady says she wants to talk about a problem she is having, ask her before she starts if she wants you to just listen – or to help her solve it. And if she says she just wants to talk and have you listen (and it does help us to just offload by talking about it), adding a few validation phrases like “that must have been tough”, or “you handled that well”, etc. – will go a long way. Do not try to solve the issue – even if you think you have the answer!
5. What do you do when your partner walks away or tunes out after you bring up a problem in the relationship you want to resolve?
ANSWER: If they give a brief response or even walk away, just let them go and do not continue to talk or follow them to another area of the house. They probably need time to absorb what went on in order to figure things out, especially after the preoccupations of a long day at work. It will go a long way if you respect your partner’s space and desire for time to think. There is a better chance for favorable communication a few hours or days later.
6. Do you feel your partner is overreacting to your refusal to do things they want you to do – that you don’t think is important?
ANSWER: If every time your partner asks you to pick up your stuff or put the dishes in the dishwasher and you argue why that is not important – over time you will be chipping away at the foundation of your relationship. You erode your partners sense of trust and safety with you, and they may feel belittled, and their needs minimized – because you try to make them wrong about who they are and their requests.
Instead, do the small stuff out of love for your amazing partner. A great read on this subject is “This is
How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray.
7. Do you know and show your partner love based on how what they need to feel loved?
ANSWER: A shortcut to this powerful tool for living a loving relationship is found on www.5lovelanguages.com. Both of you should do it and will help you identify the ways you each feel the most loved and respected. Who doesn’t want to give and receive love in more meaningful ways and even grow closer? One more tip is for both of you to complete an assessment, like the Xyte Core Genius Tool to healthy communication. With this great relationship base, miscommunication and festering frustrations can be minimized and love and harmony can flourish. This works whether you are a new couple or been together for years!